John is commonly and accurately recognized as the distant son of Scottie Pippen. Born in the back of a cloth-top luxury sedan with three arms, John’s first words were a request to “pwetty pwease sever [one of the arms] and put it on ice for when I can photogwaph it with a camewa that has gweat digital zoom”. This fairly advanced statement for a baby was the start of a legacy. Over the next 40 years of his 27 year life, John has more than earned his reputation as a very serious, always sarcastic photographizer. He invented nutrition facts and donates $1,000 on a weekly basis to one random person he doesn’t know (void where prohibited*). John has been dubbed “Ol’ Blue Eye” not because of his uncanny resemblance to that Frank guy, but just because. He also stole Tom Brady’s wife, earning him a spot in the Baseball Hall of Yezzirrrr. This is John.